Finding My Way Home Page 13

  “Did he say anything after the jury verdict?”

  “He said he was sorry about the accident and is sorry he fell asleep. He should have thought about that before he put the key in the ignition.”

  Diane

  When we parked the car in the driveway, there are balloons and a banner in front of the door that said, “Happy Birthday Diane. We love you.” Kellie is sitting on the step, and when she sees Ethan’s car, she runs to my side and taps on the window.

  “I thought you would never get home. Come on; I want some cake and ice cream!”

  Ethan laughs and so do I. “Well, we can’t keep the princess waiting. Let’s have our cake and eat it too!”

  Steve and Catherine went out of their way to make my first birthday, post accident, a success. As I was about to open my presents, the doorbell rang.

  “Who could that be?” Catherine asks as she walks to the door.

  My parents finally decide to visit me, and I feel the atmosphere change in the room. Ethan moves closer to me, and I feel his concern. Barbara hands me a small box.

  “Hello, Diane. How are you?”

  “I am fine. Thank you.”

  “How do you feel?”

  “I am getting better every day.”

  Bill asks, “Still no memory?”

  “Unfortunately, no.”

  Barbara grabs my hand, and I am immediately tense.

  “You need to stop this nonsense, Diane. I don’t believe you have amnesia. What kind of game are you playing?”

  I am too stunned by her aggressive move to respond to her question. The box she handed me falls to the floor.

  “That’s enough!” Ethan shouts

  Joey and Kellie move closer to Ethan’s parents.

  Barbara screams at Ethan, and my anxiety ramps up a few notches. “She has all of you fooled. How can anyone lose their entire memory?”

  She looks at me. “Is this payback for something I did to you? I know we’re not close Diane, but this is cruel, even for you.”

  Ethan is furious, and when he grabs Barbara’s arm, Bill punches him in the face. Ethan lands hard on the floor, and everyone is screaming. Steve grabs Bill by the shirt and shoves him towards the door.

  “Get the fuck out of my house. If I see your face again, I’ll call the police. If my son decides to file assault charges against you, I will be more than happy to testify. What you said to Diane is cruel and insensitive. If you cared enough to visit her when I asked you to, you would have seen how hard she has worked to get to this stage in her recovery. She may not remember the past, but she has total recall since the accident. I am sure she will never forget what you said to her today. Get out now!”

  I watch in horror as Steve shoves both of them out the front door and slams it in their faces. Ethan is still sitting on the floor with an ice pack on his face. He will have a nasty bruise tomorrow. I get down on my knees to inspect his beautiful face. I run my hand over his now swollen cheek. “Oh God, Ethan, I am so sorry. Does it hurt much?”

  “No, honey, I’ll be okay. I believe you still have a few presents to open.”

  I bend down to pick up their gift. I walk into the kitchen and throw the box in the trash. Everyone tries to regain the momentum, but the enjoyment that we felt earlier has disappeared. Kellie takes it upon herself to lighten the mood.

  “Bill is a bugger head and a ferret face, and he farts like an elephant!”

  While everyone is laughing, I open my presents. Steve and Catherine gave me a beautiful angel charm bracelet. “Oh, this is so pretty. I love it. Thank you.”

  Next, is Ethan’s present. I am almost afraid to open it. When I do, I see a reoccurring theme. Inside the box is a necklace made of two angel wings shaped like a heart. “Oh, this is so lovely, and it matches the bracelet. Thank you so much, Ethan.”

  The last gift is from Kellie and Joey. The box is so big. When I open the lid, my heart literally stops beating for a second or two. I am almost afraid to touch it because it is breathtakingly beautiful. I now know the significance of the seashells. Inside the box is a huge styrofoam heart, and glued to the heart are little seashells, all painted in different pastel colors and sprinkled with glitter. This day has been so emotional for me, and I can no longer hide my tears. Kellie moves closer to me and wraps her arms around my shoulders.

  “Don’t cry, Diane. Joey and I want you to have this. We collected tons of shells last summer, and we wanted to make something pretty for you. Do you like it?”

  I wrap my arms around this sweet child and nod my head yes because my throat is so tight with emotion, I cannot speak. The remainder of the night is pleasant for all of us. We eat cake and ice cream and watch a movie. By the end of the evening I’m exhausted, and so is everyone else. Once everyone leaves and I finally go to bed, I can’t sleep because I am so angry, and oddly enough, hurt by what my mother had said to me. I am so upset that I call her. Ethan programmed her number into my phone a few weeks ago. I never imagined I would have to call them, but here I am, about to have an argument with people I hardly know. How absurd is this?

  “What do you want Diane?”

  “I want to know why you said what you did, and why Bill hit Ethan?”

  “Don’t call your father by his name. He’s Dad to you.”

  “He is not Dad to me. How many times do you need to be told that I have amnesia? Why can’t you accept who I am now?”

  “You always were difficult to talk to Diane. What happened to you? You were so adorable when you were little. I am still trying to figure out when you became a bitter woman!”

  “How fortunate for you that I don’t remember our relationship. Otherwise, I’d say something sarcastic. If this is how you feel, why bother visiting me? Just leave me alone!”

  “I’d be more than happy to do that, but your father is under the mistaken impression that you are actually sick.”

  “Well, you can give him a message for me. The correct terminology for what I have is traumatic amnesia. Look it up, and maybe one day you will understand what I’m going through and have a little compassion. If you can’t do that, I don’t want to see you!”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Diane

  The conversation with my parents weighs heavily on my mind. What time is it? It’s one in the morning, and I am so upset, sleep escapes me. I don’t want to wake Steve and Catherine, but I need to get out of here for a few minutes. I get dressed and quietly leave the house. I am so distracted by the conversation repeatedly looping in my mind that I fail to notice where I am walking. Oh god, it’s so dark, I have no idea where I am, and I don’t have my phone with me. I’m lost and suddenly terrified. I find the first safe place to sit and hide the best I can. I don’t want anyone seeing me out at night, by myself. I’m in a park, and it’s very dark. I’m hiding behind a bench, lying on the wet grass. What have I done?

  Ethan

  I hear the house phone ringing. What the hell time is it? I look at the clock, and it’s two in the morning. There are only two reasons why my phone would ring at this ungodly hour, and neither of them is good. I reach out for the receiver. “Yeah. Who is this and why are you calling at this hour?”

  My mother’s screaming voice pierces through my sleep addled brain. “Ethan, I need you. Diane is not in the house. I don’t know where she is, and she doesn’t have her cell phone with her.”

  I am instantly awake. “Mom, calm down and start from the beginning, please.”

  I hear my mother take several deep breaths. “I was worried about her after the altercation with her parents. I couldn’t sleep, so I went over to the house to speak to her. The light was on in her room, and I thought she was still awake. When I got to the front door, it was partially open. I went back to get your dad, and when we walked into the house, I didn’t see anything strange. I thought maybe we forgot to close the door.”

  “When we went into Diane’s room, she wasn’t there. Your father searched the house, and she’s not here. Both cell phones are on th
e table by the bed. We have to call the police. She’s out there somewhere all alone with no phone. Oh, Ethan, I’m scared. Why would she leave the house?”

  If I live to be one hundred, I will never forget the paralyzing fear that I feel at this moment. My wife is out there somewhere, alone and probably scared out of her mind. “Mom, I need you to come over here and stay with the kids. I’ll be at your house in five minutes. Is Dad still there?”

  “Yes, he’s here.”

  “Put him on the phone.”

  Several seconds pass. “Dad, did you check the entire house, and the yard.”

  “Yeah. That’s the first thing I checked. Diane’s not here. What the hell made her leave the house at night?”

  “I don’t know, but something upset her. What other reason would she have to leave the house at night? Why didn’t she call me? That’s the reason why I gave her the second phone. Do you think she went for a walk and got lost?”

  “Possibly. Get over here quickly, and we’ll patrol the neighborhood. We’ll find Diane, Ethan. I swear we will find her.”

  Ten minutes later, I am in my car. My father is behind me, and we part ways at the end of the culdesac. He goes East, and I go West. We are in constant contact by phone. My mind focuses on every possible scenario, and none of them are good. Where the hell is she? I feel like I am driving in circles. It’s still dark and my night vision sucks. I’ve resorted to turning on the high beams, and wouldn’t you know it, at this time of the morning, a fucking police car flashes his lights at me. I pull over and reach for my wallet.

  “Sir, may I see your drivers license and registration? You are driving with your high beams on, and why are you circling the neighborhood at three-thirty in the morning?”

  I give the police officer my identification, and he flashes a light in my face, then looks at my license. He recognizes me.

  “Dr. Miller. Is there a problem?”

  “Yes, I have a problem. My wife has amnesia, and she left the house early this morning and had not returned. I’m worried she may be lost and scared. Can you help me?”

  “Do you know what she was wearing.”

  “No. Before Diane went to bed, she was wearing red capris pants, a red and white striped tank with a white blouse, and red sandals. We have to find her.”

  “Is anyone else looking for her?”

  “Yes, my father went East, but I haven’t heard from him yet.”

  “How far do you think she is able to walk?”

  “Well, she has just recovered from a broken leg, so I would assume not far. Maybe a mile or two.”

  “What is your wife’s name?’

  “Her name is Diane Miller.”

  “Okay. Continue searching the neighborhood. I’ll branch out and have a few patrol cars expand the search area. We’ll find Mrs. Miller. Give me your cell phone number.”

  I give the officer my number. “Thank you, officer.”

  Where the fuck is she? My father finally calls me, and I can hear his anxiety level ramping up. We have to find her.

  Diane

  It’s so dark, and I’m scared. I hear strange voices all around me. Where am I? My head is throbbing, and I feel sick. Oh, Ethan, please find me! I squat down between a bench and a large bush because I don’t want to be seen. I hear the voices again. They are getting closer to me. A cry escapes me before I can cover my mouth.

  “Hey, Mikey, did you hear that?”

  “Hear what, asshole?”

  Oh, God, they can hear me. I cover my mouth with my hand to stop myself from crying, but it doesn’t work. I’m too afraid to halt the trembling of my body. I can’t breathe, and it is impossible to remain quiet.

  “There it is again. I swear I’m not fucking with you! I hear something over there, by that bench.”

  They are coming closer to me. I have nowhere to run. Please don’t let them see me. I suddenly feel someone grab a handful of my shirt, and pulls me to my feet.

  “Well, what do we have here, boys?”

  “Please don’t hurt me. I’m lost. Please, let me go!”

  There are three of them, and they smell like beer. The big man grabs my arm and pulls me into his body.

  “What’s a pretty thing like you hiding behind a bush?”

  I’m too afraid to answer him. His strong hand grabs my arm again, and he digs his nails into my skin.

  “I asked you a fucking question!”

  My body is shaking uncontrollably. I can’t breathe. His breath smells foul, and I feel like I am going to be sick. The tall man shoves me into the other man. His hands are all over me. He tries to put his mouth on me.

  “No, don’t touch me.”

  I slap the man, and he pushes me to another man.

  “I think she needs to be taught a lesson. It’s not nice ignoring a question.”

  The man they called Mikey raises his hand and slaps me across the face. The pain is intense and radiates up my face and into my throbbing head. The other man is pulling on my shirt. He’s trying to take off my shirt. I fight him the best I can. I scratch his face with my nails, and he hits me again, this time knocking me onto the grass. I can taste blood in my mouth. I see him undoing his jeans. He bends down and rips my shirt down the front of my body, and pulls at my bra. The other man grabs my arms and pulls them over my head. Another man holds my legs and pulls down my pants and underwear.

  “You scratched my face bitch! You’ll pay for that. I’ll teach you a lesson you’ll never forget.”

  The other man stands over me with his penis in his hand. He’s twisting and pulling on it, while the man holding my legs continue pulling at my clothing. I am going to die. I have no one to save me. The pain in my head intensifies. My body shakes uncontrollably. It feels like I am having a seizure. I can’t stop shaking. The two men have a hard time restraining my arms and legs.

  “What the fuck is wrong with her? Let’s get the hell out of here before someone sees us.”

  “Not until I come on her. I need to mark the bitch before we leave.”

  Take me now and spare me from this humiliation. As the pain increases, my vision blurs, and the last thing that I see is this man stroking himself. I black out, and I am relieved to be once again in the darkness that I find so comforting.

  It’s peaceful here. I don’t have to worry about what people think of me. I don’t have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. I don’t have to worry about anything. I want to stay in the darkness. It’s safe here. I don’t want to leave this place. My mind is at peace where I am now. My body feels weightless, and the tension is gone. My life is over. I will never go back to where I was before. It’s too difficult trying to adjust to that life. This is where I belong... now and for always.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Ethan

  I have been in my car for three hours, and I am about to lose my fucking mind. It’s early morning which makes it easier for me to see what is around me. I’ve driven in circles all night. I’ve been in constant contact with my father, but I have not heard from the police. I am about to drive through the area again when I see several police cars near Cranston Park. My blood runs cold, and I have the strangest feeling that something is terribly wrong. I call my father.

  “Dad, where are you?”

  “I’m near Pennypack Diner. What’s wrong?”

  “I’m not sure, but I have a bad feeling. I see several police cars near Cranston Park, by the playground. Can you come over here right away?”

  “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

  I park my car, and as soon as I start walking across the grass, I see Diane’s red sandals. Oh my, God, she’s lying on the ground. Several police officers are standing around her, and off in the distance, I hear sirens. My legs refuse to move. I am paralyzed with fear. The police officer that I met earlier sees me and runs over to me.

  “I think we found your wife. Come with me please.”

  I have never had an out of body experience in my life, but I can say with the utmost certainty
, that I am having one now. My peripheral vision is blacked out, and I see white spots in my central vision. The tightness in my chest makes it impossible to breathe. Is this what it feels like when you die? The police officer is still holding my arm, and he is dragging me towards my wife. He is rather forceful in his movement, and the sudden jerking of my body clears my vision. When I look down, my beautiful wife’s battered body is all that I can see.

  “Oh my God, Diane! What has happened to her?” I fall to my knees and check for a pulse. The pain in my chest is intense; it feels like my heart is about to explode out of my chest. Diane’s pulse is slow and thready. I can’t lose her now. Not after everything we’ve been through the past few months. Her clothes are torn from her body, exposing her breasts. Her pants are half way down her legs. Dear God, was she raped? The sirens are getting closer. I feel someone pulling at my arm.

  “Ethan, get up. The EMT’s are here. Let them do their job!”

  It’s my father. I take one look at his face and shatter into a million pieces. I crumble onto the grass and take him down with me. My body is shaking uncontrollably, and I can’t stop it. I hear voices all around me. They are talking about Diane. When I look up, they have her on a gurney, and she has an oxygen mask on her face. Did she stop breathing again? Is she dead? That’s the last thing I remember before I lose consciousness.

  *****

  When I open my eyes, my head is on my father’s lap, and he is running his fingers through my hair. Our eyes meet, and I feel hot tears running down the side of my face. I don’t have the strength to lift my head. I’ve lost the will to live. “Where is she? Where is my wife?”

  One of the police officers answers me. “The ambulance is taking your wife to Mercy Hospital. Your father filled us in on what’s been happening the past few months. We received a call from a jogger who found her body and called us. He said he didn’t see anyone in the area and stayed with her until we arrived. I instructed the EMT’s not to disturb her clothing. There is DNA material that we will need as evidence.”

  “Dad, can you help me get up and take me to the hospital? I don’t think I can drive my car.”